Give an A: Is It Entitlement...or Just Caring Too Much?

Last summer I had the privilege of attending the MIT-Lemelson EurekaFest as an Excite Award Recipient.  It was an amazing opportunity and experience that I will need to address at another time.  So why do I bring up this event?  Simple...it was the first time I heard that college professors were being contacted by students' parents who questioned (and possibly demanded higher) grades for their children.

As a high school teacher, I have see this such situation more and more (parents almost demanding higher grades for their children because it will affect their GPA)...but IN COLLEGE?  My first thought tends toward the negative: We (Americans) believe we are entitled to our success.  Success is not dependent on our accomplishments.  My child said she did the work and deserves the best grade.  

Of course, the first reason that pops into one's head isn't always accurate (or at least the only explanation).  So, I decided to find more information about this new phenomenon.  I definitely found that my first assumption about the motive behind parental involvement is not completely wrong as they could  be called "lawn-mower parents."  These parents are similar to what has been called "helicopter parents" but will "mow down whatever stands in the way of their child's success" (from the same article).

On the other hand, others had a more neutral rationale.  One article about this issue at the University of Florida noted that many Baby Boomers are parents now and have become very protective of their children.  The author recollects the "Baby on Board" signs that started in the 80s and parents requiring their children always wear bicycle helmets.  These parents wanted to ensure their children would never feel pain.  Another article had a similar take on the issue and quotes Dr. Sears, who says, "The protector instinct in all parents makes us want to rush and rescue the stuck baby."  So, maybe this intent is not necessarily about entitlement as much as it might be about protecting my child from any harm.

Unfortunately, this parental behavior, as all the articles note, does not help these young adults (and yes they are adults by 18 years of age) develop into competent adults.  They never learn how to handle these challenges on their own or how to solve the problem.  Of course, it is not necessarily clear if the child asks the parent to intervene or the parent is overly involved...but in either case, these young people really need to learn to deal with the issues themselves.  The student should be the one contacting the professor and trying to improve their grade, while parents can (and should) be available to counsel their college-age children.  An interesting view about extended childhood has been made by John Taylor Gatto.  In this audio clip, Mr. Gatto notes how childish our (American) society has become when even parents need a lesson on how to behave at their child's baseball game.

So, whatever the motive (entitlement, protection, or other reasons) parents should take the advice of the articles linked above and allow their adult-age children to learn and grow and even fail...because real learning cannot happen without real failure.